Godfreys Birthday Party

Well today we had Godfreys birthday party. I invited a whole lota people and some of them actually said they would come, but then no one did. I know I shouldn't feel bitter or sad, but to be honest I AM!

I may just be pregnant, and full of emotions. But I am honestly sad for my son. He will only have ONE 2nd Birthday afterall. My husband tried to tell me that as long as we are all together it will be ok. I agree, but I feel for my son even though he has NO CLUE whats going on.

Perhaps its just me feeling bad for myself, and has nothing to do with my son at all.

Anyway, I'm moving on and getting over it.

Struggle

Life gives you pain and sufffering for a reason, though at times it seems that its one after another. I used to complain about it, and wish things were different. But now, as I aged I think that we are tested for a reason. We are given trials and tribulations to ensure that we are strong enough to endure.

I have a friend who this happens to often. I mean it really does seem one thing after another for her. But you know what? She is the happiest person I know, and its beause she has learned to roll with whatever comes her way.

I am trying everyday to become like this. I want to live my life without worry that I will not be strong enough to face the next obstacle. In my heart I know that the creator will never give us more then we can endure at one time.

So if I sit and focus on my goal, then I know anything is possible.

Have a great day.

Help them to reach for the stars

So today I've been considering how I'm raising my children. I have high expectations of them. I expect them to learn to respect those older then them, to love lots, to laugh often, and to always do %110.

I remember when I was younger, and my parents always encouraged me to do my very best. So thinking about that, I think we all hope that our childre surpass us in some way or another. I hope that my children have more opportunities then I ever had. Which is part of the reason I left the reserve. I want them to understand that they can accomplish anything when they put their mind to it.

Yesterday Charlie was playing "Doctor" and I know its just his imagination, but what mothers heart doesn't swell when she thinks that maybe he will be the one to go to college, and go to med school and become a physician. I look at him, turning into a little man more and more everyday and can do nothing more then hope for what will be in the future.

I hope that I'm doing my very best for them, and that they reach for stars that were out of reach for me when I was their age.

Muh Sista From Another mista

I made this video for my chica Dayna. She is an amazing woman, mother, and friend. My life is most definately better since knowing her. And thank the creator everyday that she and I had the chance to meet.

Happy only 29th Birthday Chicaboo

One week

Elders Meditation Being a Good Woman

Elder's Meditation of the Day
"The honor of the people lies in the moccasin tracks of the woman. Walk the good road.... Be dutiful, respectful, gentle, and modest my daughter... Be strong with the warm, strong heart of the earth. No people goes down until their women are weak and dishonored, or dead upon the ground. Be strong and sing the strength of the Great Powers within you, all around you."
--Village Wise Man, SIOUX
The Elders say the Native American women will lead the healing among the tribes. We need to especially pray for our women, and ask the Creator to bless them and give them strength. Inside them are the powers of love and strength given by the Moon and the Earth. When everyone else gives up, it is the women who sings the songs of strength. She is the backbone of the people. So, to our women we say, sing your songs of strength; pray for your special powers; keep our people strong; be respectful, gentle, and modest.

Oh, Great One, bless our women. Make them strong today.

I found this one especially apt, since I have been wrestling over the idea of the H1N1 vaccination. I have concluded that I will not get the vaccination. (for anyone who was curious, I will be getting the regular seasonal flu shot, and have talked to my Dr. about it, and he gave me a perscription for tamiflu, which will help to lower to the effects of the h1n1 flu.).

I recently spoke with my friend and she said that her uncle had h1n1 and he was telling everyone not to get the h1n1 shot, and that they were trying yet again to kill our people off with this vaccination. Instead his wife brought him indian medicine, he was better in a matter of days.I tell you that story not to convince you not to have it. But I want you to know that you have a choice, and that you must do your research. don't just walk blindly into this vaccination.

It seems that since we have become colonized that our people have lost their way. That the woman whom was once the corner stone of our people has lost her power. We must remember to be strong and decisive and to educate ourselves, not for ourselves but for our children. The weapon of the millenium is EDUCATION. It is so important that our people retain the knowledge of both of our history, and in the same breath be able to look forward and steer our people in the right direction.

I don't believe we are being killed off, that is afterall quite ridiculous, but I do believe that we are being torn asunder by greed, pettiness, and of course lack of self control, and the worst part is that it isn't by some unseen force. Its by our OWN people. I can't tell you how it should change, for that would be quite self righteous of me. But I can say that I am doing the absolute best for me and mine. And I am hoping that at some point our people just open their eyes and realize what it is we have and what it is we have lost.

So today I will hope that all of my sisters, friends, cousins, aunties, grandmother, and mother will be strong and realize just how important you our to our family. And just how much your strength has effected who I am as a person. I love you all :)

Elders Meditation Men and Women as equals

Elder's Meditation of the Day - November 3
"A sundance woman is like the morning star, filled with spiritual beauty, wisdom and knowledge. Men and women are the most powerful of the polarities. We walk beside men as equal partners. It takes men and women who have respect and love for one another to live within the embrace of Father Sky and Mother Earth."
--Dr. Henrietta Mann, SOUTHERN CHEYENNE
Our ceremonies bring out the best in us. It's in the ceremony that we find the place of honor and respect for each other. The place where the men honor the women and the women honor the men. We dance for each other. The ceremony helps us remember our responsibility toward each other. Men and women need to be strong, to love one another and be faithful. Only by doing this can we give our children knowledge of good relationships.

Great Spirit, today I will notice the power of the women; today I will notice the power of the men.

Todays was very powerful to me. It seems that so many people comment about native men learning to honor women, but rarely do I hear about native women honoring or sometimes even appreciating native men. It is most definately a two way street. And its also so true that through our parents we learn about relationships, be they good or bad.

So we need to remember before we belittle our partner that there are little eyes watching our every move. And that even something seemingly insignificant can affect how they react to men or women in the future.

have a great day everyone :)

Elder's Meditation of the Day
"Praying is what has brought us old people through life. We've all gone through hard times. We've all done our share of bad things. But through our prayers and faith in the Creator we get together again and we try hard to live right."
--Paula Weasel Head, BLOOD
As we go through life we find ourselves on track one day and off track the
next day. We gain consistency through prayer. Prayer is our connection to the
Great Spirit. Prayer is our channel for knowledge and wisdom. Prayer is how we
keep our sanity. The Elders say we should walk in prayer.

Great Spirit,
teach me to walk in prayer. Help keep my faith strong.

I have never really been a strong believer in prayer, until recently. I went through life believing in only things I could touch feel and see. Now, that I have children I have begun to wonder what I should teach them spiritually. I want them to atleast understand there is something BIGGER then them out there.

Since having them I have prayed more then my entire life combined. I have prayed that they will be healthy. I have prayed through their illnesses. I have prayed that I am doing the right thing and raising them properly. And they have seen me pray for my mother, my brother, and my partner. I don't know that them seeing me pray has made them understand that there is something bigger then them, but I do know that they see that their mother calls nothing but positive things to our lives.

I hope nothing for the best for them. I think that is all prayer is. The HOPE for something better. So if they grow up not believing in God, in the Creator, or even the Great Spirit, please let them atleast believe in HOPE.

Elders Meditation- Mothers Protection

Elder's Meditation of the Day - October 29
"Mothers must protect the
lives they have helped to bring into the world."
--Haida Gwaii, Traditional
Circle of Elders
Every child is subject to the seeds each adult plants in
his/her mind. If we plant praise and "you can do it", the child will grow up
with certain predictable behavior patterns. If we plant ideas that there's
something wrong with you or you're good for nothing, the child will grow up with
predictable behavior patterns. We need to honor and respect the mothers who
protect the children and plant positive seeds for their growth.

Great
Spirit, bless each mother and give her courage and faith.

I talked with a friend of mine about this exact thing a few days ago. Its as true for children as it is for adults. If we learn when we are young to believe we are good for nothing we will start to believe it. If we grow up believing we are worthwhile we will believe it.

Children rely on us to teach them about life, and to protect them from the bad of the world. We are given this grave responsibility, and sometimes we fail. I remember one time with my oldest son. We were out, and he wasn't listening to me, and I said without thinking "You're a bad boy!" he began to cry and said it over and over again. While I don't believe that he is essentially bad all the time, he believed that to be true, since I (who as a parent shape his self worth) said so. So monitor well what you say to your children, for they look upon you to show them the "truth"

Even as adults what people say to us consistantly is what shapes our self image. So if we surround ourselves with people who think less of us then we are worthy of, we believe we are less then we are.

I took a course recently that focusing on retraining myself and minding my self talk. It helped immensely since when I was younger, my good was never good enough. I've now begun to monitor how I talk to myself and have tried to banish most bad/unmotivating self talk from my day to day life.

Have you ever wondered why when you think "what next" and only expect the worst, something worse does happen? Its because your self talk is being made a reality by your subconcious. So if you tell yourself, "Your a loser, you never get anything right" then eventually it will become true...So instead why not train yourself to believe you are worthwhile, you are a great person.

And monitor well what and how you say things to your children. For they are relying on you to show them what is true and right in their worlds.