Godfreys Birthday Party

Well today we had Godfreys birthday party. I invited a whole lota people and some of them actually said they would come, but then no one did. I know I shouldn't feel bitter or sad, but to be honest I AM!

I may just be pregnant, and full of emotions. But I am honestly sad for my son. He will only have ONE 2nd Birthday afterall. My husband tried to tell me that as long as we are all together it will be ok. I agree, but I feel for my son even though he has NO CLUE whats going on.

Perhaps its just me feeling bad for myself, and has nothing to do with my son at all.

Anyway, I'm moving on and getting over it.

Struggle

Life gives you pain and sufffering for a reason, though at times it seems that its one after another. I used to complain about it, and wish things were different. But now, as I aged I think that we are tested for a reason. We are given trials and tribulations to ensure that we are strong enough to endure.

I have a friend who this happens to often. I mean it really does seem one thing after another for her. But you know what? She is the happiest person I know, and its beause she has learned to roll with whatever comes her way.

I am trying everyday to become like this. I want to live my life without worry that I will not be strong enough to face the next obstacle. In my heart I know that the creator will never give us more then we can endure at one time.

So if I sit and focus on my goal, then I know anything is possible.

Have a great day.

Help them to reach for the stars

So today I've been considering how I'm raising my children. I have high expectations of them. I expect them to learn to respect those older then them, to love lots, to laugh often, and to always do %110.

I remember when I was younger, and my parents always encouraged me to do my very best. So thinking about that, I think we all hope that our childre surpass us in some way or another. I hope that my children have more opportunities then I ever had. Which is part of the reason I left the reserve. I want them to understand that they can accomplish anything when they put their mind to it.

Yesterday Charlie was playing "Doctor" and I know its just his imagination, but what mothers heart doesn't swell when she thinks that maybe he will be the one to go to college, and go to med school and become a physician. I look at him, turning into a little man more and more everyday and can do nothing more then hope for what will be in the future.

I hope that I'm doing my very best for them, and that they reach for stars that were out of reach for me when I was their age.

Muh Sista From Another mista

I made this video for my chica Dayna. She is an amazing woman, mother, and friend. My life is most definately better since knowing her. And thank the creator everyday that she and I had the chance to meet.

Happy only 29th Birthday Chicaboo

One week

Elders Meditation Being a Good Woman

Elder's Meditation of the Day
"The honor of the people lies in the moccasin tracks of the woman. Walk the good road.... Be dutiful, respectful, gentle, and modest my daughter... Be strong with the warm, strong heart of the earth. No people goes down until their women are weak and dishonored, or dead upon the ground. Be strong and sing the strength of the Great Powers within you, all around you."
--Village Wise Man, SIOUX
The Elders say the Native American women will lead the healing among the tribes. We need to especially pray for our women, and ask the Creator to bless them and give them strength. Inside them are the powers of love and strength given by the Moon and the Earth. When everyone else gives up, it is the women who sings the songs of strength. She is the backbone of the people. So, to our women we say, sing your songs of strength; pray for your special powers; keep our people strong; be respectful, gentle, and modest.

Oh, Great One, bless our women. Make them strong today.

I found this one especially apt, since I have been wrestling over the idea of the H1N1 vaccination. I have concluded that I will not get the vaccination. (for anyone who was curious, I will be getting the regular seasonal flu shot, and have talked to my Dr. about it, and he gave me a perscription for tamiflu, which will help to lower to the effects of the h1n1 flu.).

I recently spoke with my friend and she said that her uncle had h1n1 and he was telling everyone not to get the h1n1 shot, and that they were trying yet again to kill our people off with this vaccination. Instead his wife brought him indian medicine, he was better in a matter of days.I tell you that story not to convince you not to have it. But I want you to know that you have a choice, and that you must do your research. don't just walk blindly into this vaccination.

It seems that since we have become colonized that our people have lost their way. That the woman whom was once the corner stone of our people has lost her power. We must remember to be strong and decisive and to educate ourselves, not for ourselves but for our children. The weapon of the millenium is EDUCATION. It is so important that our people retain the knowledge of both of our history, and in the same breath be able to look forward and steer our people in the right direction.

I don't believe we are being killed off, that is afterall quite ridiculous, but I do believe that we are being torn asunder by greed, pettiness, and of course lack of self control, and the worst part is that it isn't by some unseen force. Its by our OWN people. I can't tell you how it should change, for that would be quite self righteous of me. But I can say that I am doing the absolute best for me and mine. And I am hoping that at some point our people just open their eyes and realize what it is we have and what it is we have lost.

So today I will hope that all of my sisters, friends, cousins, aunties, grandmother, and mother will be strong and realize just how important you our to our family. And just how much your strength has effected who I am as a person. I love you all :)

Elders Meditation Men and Women as equals

Elder's Meditation of the Day - November 3
"A sundance woman is like the morning star, filled with spiritual beauty, wisdom and knowledge. Men and women are the most powerful of the polarities. We walk beside men as equal partners. It takes men and women who have respect and love for one another to live within the embrace of Father Sky and Mother Earth."
--Dr. Henrietta Mann, SOUTHERN CHEYENNE
Our ceremonies bring out the best in us. It's in the ceremony that we find the place of honor and respect for each other. The place where the men honor the women and the women honor the men. We dance for each other. The ceremony helps us remember our responsibility toward each other. Men and women need to be strong, to love one another and be faithful. Only by doing this can we give our children knowledge of good relationships.

Great Spirit, today I will notice the power of the women; today I will notice the power of the men.

Todays was very powerful to me. It seems that so many people comment about native men learning to honor women, but rarely do I hear about native women honoring or sometimes even appreciating native men. It is most definately a two way street. And its also so true that through our parents we learn about relationships, be they good or bad.

So we need to remember before we belittle our partner that there are little eyes watching our every move. And that even something seemingly insignificant can affect how they react to men or women in the future.

have a great day everyone :)

Elder's Meditation of the Day
"Praying is what has brought us old people through life. We've all gone through hard times. We've all done our share of bad things. But through our prayers and faith in the Creator we get together again and we try hard to live right."
--Paula Weasel Head, BLOOD
As we go through life we find ourselves on track one day and off track the
next day. We gain consistency through prayer. Prayer is our connection to the
Great Spirit. Prayer is our channel for knowledge and wisdom. Prayer is how we
keep our sanity. The Elders say we should walk in prayer.

Great Spirit,
teach me to walk in prayer. Help keep my faith strong.

I have never really been a strong believer in prayer, until recently. I went through life believing in only things I could touch feel and see. Now, that I have children I have begun to wonder what I should teach them spiritually. I want them to atleast understand there is something BIGGER then them out there.

Since having them I have prayed more then my entire life combined. I have prayed that they will be healthy. I have prayed through their illnesses. I have prayed that I am doing the right thing and raising them properly. And they have seen me pray for my mother, my brother, and my partner. I don't know that them seeing me pray has made them understand that there is something bigger then them, but I do know that they see that their mother calls nothing but positive things to our lives.

I hope nothing for the best for them. I think that is all prayer is. The HOPE for something better. So if they grow up not believing in God, in the Creator, or even the Great Spirit, please let them atleast believe in HOPE.

Elders Meditation- Mothers Protection

Elder's Meditation of the Day - October 29
"Mothers must protect the
lives they have helped to bring into the world."
--Haida Gwaii, Traditional
Circle of Elders
Every child is subject to the seeds each adult plants in
his/her mind. If we plant praise and "you can do it", the child will grow up
with certain predictable behavior patterns. If we plant ideas that there's
something wrong with you or you're good for nothing, the child will grow up with
predictable behavior patterns. We need to honor and respect the mothers who
protect the children and plant positive seeds for their growth.

Great
Spirit, bless each mother and give her courage and faith.

I talked with a friend of mine about this exact thing a few days ago. Its as true for children as it is for adults. If we learn when we are young to believe we are good for nothing we will start to believe it. If we grow up believing we are worthwhile we will believe it.

Children rely on us to teach them about life, and to protect them from the bad of the world. We are given this grave responsibility, and sometimes we fail. I remember one time with my oldest son. We were out, and he wasn't listening to me, and I said without thinking "You're a bad boy!" he began to cry and said it over and over again. While I don't believe that he is essentially bad all the time, he believed that to be true, since I (who as a parent shape his self worth) said so. So monitor well what you say to your children, for they look upon you to show them the "truth"

Even as adults what people say to us consistantly is what shapes our self image. So if we surround ourselves with people who think less of us then we are worthy of, we believe we are less then we are.

I took a course recently that focusing on retraining myself and minding my self talk. It helped immensely since when I was younger, my good was never good enough. I've now begun to monitor how I talk to myself and have tried to banish most bad/unmotivating self talk from my day to day life.

Have you ever wondered why when you think "what next" and only expect the worst, something worse does happen? Its because your self talk is being made a reality by your subconcious. So if you tell yourself, "Your a loser, you never get anything right" then eventually it will become true...So instead why not train yourself to believe you are worthwhile, you are a great person.

And monitor well what and how you say things to your children. For they are relying on you to show them what is true and right in their worlds.

Hearts made using psp X

I've been creating images with paint shop pro for awhile, but just recently upgraded to paint shop pro X. So I thought I would share a few of the latest creations

Its amazing how you can speak right to my heart
Without saying a word you can light up the dark
Try as I may I could never explain
What I hear when you don�t say a thing

The smile on your face lets me know that you need me
Theres a truth in your eyes sayin' you'll never leave me
The touch of your hand says you'll catch me if ever I fall
You say it best when you say nothing at all

All day long I can hear people talking out loud
But when you hold me near, you drown out the crowd
Old mr. webster could never define
Whats being said between your heart and mine

The smile on your face lets me know that you need me
Theres a truth in your eyes sayin' you'll never leave me
The touch of your hand says you'll catch me if ever I fall
You say it best when you say nothing at all

The smile on your face lets me know that you need me
Theres a truth in your eyes sayin' you'll never leave me
The touch of your hand says you'll catch me if ever I fall
You say it best when you say nothing at all

Allison Kraus

I created this slide show when my husband left fire fighting. I thought it more then fitting to post here. Since its an intimate look into our family life. Hope you enjoy

Your Love Made Me

I wandered around sightless until you bade me to see
You awakened my heart and bade me be me
I couldn't hear until I was hearing your voice
You gave me a reason and you gave me a choice

I couldn't feel until your first touch
You gave me love and I loved you too much
I couldn't speak until you taught me to write
You took me from darkness and introduced me to light

I couldn't love until you showed me true bliss
You looked at me with passion and gave me my first kiss
I couldn't be me until you breathed life into my soul
You took the shell that is my body and bade me be whole

Now that you have done this I am yours to command
You reached down gently and kissed my hand
Your love is all knowing and your words are truly wise
You took my heart the moment I looked into your eyes

Take this woman now and make her yours
Rain your love all over this humble body until it pours
Take me now and make me finally free
Look at what your love has made-it made m

Forgotten Footsteps

Forgotten footsteps trace trails in my mind
My body, my life, my love all but left behind
I soar with the birds
I write with unspoken words

I cry tears never ending
This old heart needs some mending
I have lived lives of justice, truth, and love
I have known a Poet, a Prophet, and a Thug

I am only twenty-four but I feel a million years old
I have nothing but my humble heart and two arms to hold
You ask me a question with no answer
I am a Poet, a lover and a dancer

I try to explain my inner self to you
But in innocence you ask me what I do
I am your love, your soul, and your wife
I am your friend, your lover, and your life

I am the ball and chain attached to you forever
I will never let go no never
You will take a divine truth when you leave
As I stand in front of you with my heart on my sleeve

The truth will stay forever in your heart
It will haunt you even when we are forced apart
Even as they lower me into my grave
You will know with my love you were saved

I am alone

I'm feeling heartbroken tonight
I sit all alone
Everything just does not feel right
I gaze out my window

I wonder what brought this on
I guess it is just a feeling I have
Or maybe I have been alone too long
I know it is my fault

That I feel this way
That I was just too proud
To ask you to stay
To protect me

I am alone

Eternal Love

As I sit in a crowd of no one
I gaze up and I see you my love, my sun
I bask in the love that shines down on me
In the shadow of your love I can finally see

You figured out my inner mystery
Took my heartache and made it history
You complete me and fill my soul
Your unending love was my only goal

I am falling faster and harder
As I feel your unending ardor
I was striving for perfection in every way
You are my sun, my moon, my night, my day

I didn't realize I was lost until I was found
You gave me a voice and in turn I gave you sound
But our love will die like the dying embers of the fire
Your love lifts me and your words they inspire

I will fear not for I am never apart from you & am filled with you always
You are the sun that lights my eternal days
You are my heart, my soul, my love eternally
I will hold you, my love, close to my heart for all eternity

Waiting

I see you waiting
Lost and lonely
Eyes watching the door
For the one who's heart beats only
For You

Perhaps this vision will arrive soon
Perhaps you will wait forever more
As you sit patiently
Eyes watching the door
For The one

Who's heart can touch yours
As if It belonged there all along
A soft whisper
A place to belong
As your eyes watch the door
Willing it to open

For the one
Who can whisper to your soul
That can hold you, trust you, love you
The half of the perfect whole
Eyes watching the door
Sweet whispers play along your ear

As you wait...........

Oceans Part

Touching crystal clear waters
Water that feels like a heart breaking
Whispers that cause oceans to part
Blue skies and waters forsaken

Tasting the sun
Feeling the wind on your cheek
As a soft caress of a lover lost
Remembrance of passion at its peak

The stars painting pictures
Of forgotten memories
That has been lost for an eternity
Getting lost in a reverie

That flutters to and fro
In its own rhythmic dance
A spell cast by nature’s grace
Tasting, feeling romance

Getting lost picking spring flowers
A day full of day dreams
Soft clouds floating past
A place where nothing is as it seems

A dream of nights together
Holding each other by the fire
Love in each movement
Truly satisfying desire

Gentle rain wetting the earth
Tasting the moisture in the air
Smiles gracing mouths and bringing them to life
Dancing in the rain without a care

Free from everything
All earthly plights
Left behind in this special place
No more lonely nights

Worlds apart we touch
We touch souls
Hearts and minds converge
And become whole

The chill in the air brings me back
But the smile says on my face
As I remember the dream
Of our very special place

Where I can taste your soul
Touch your heart
And know that
Something as soft as a whisper can make oceans part

The Dispossession

Ice, wind, fire and snow
You blink once and its time to grow
Cold forcing you ever north
Brothers and sisters go forth

Enemies plot demise
Unearthly faces despise
Spirits preach of the one
In earthly shadows brighter then the sun

The time to learn is here
Blood, sweat and fear
Move ever closer to your fate
Love, lust and hate

Taking the soul ever farther
Mother, daughter and father
Fighting under the moon
Soul ever stirring in the gloom

Move further into the dark
The land nothing but stark
Move from the enemy unseen
Moving further then you have ever been

Shedding unheard tears
Learning to overcome your fears
Move now, faster then ever before
Unleash your soul and let it soar

Touch the one
Get burned by the sun
Lift your arms and take flight
Look into the sky so bright

The soul seer will teach you the way
In one way or another you will pay
Little children follow the path
Or face the creators wrath

Take but remember to give
Remember the way you lived
Forever thankful for the gift
Your voice lifts

In a song that you have never sung before
Your lives will be changed forever more
Sing, chant and dance
Live and love romance

Follow the spirit of the dead
On their flesh you fed
Talking in circles of light
No more will to fight

Move ever further from your home
Closing your eyes and letting your mind roam
Displaced, living in disgrace
Never forgetting your place

The spiral of life is ending
No warrior left defending
What little you have left
All of your people bereft

The spirits plot demise
As your soul flies
Dance with the one
Praise every day with the rising of the sun

Learning a new way of living
Your soul never forgiving
Giving up and leaving it behind
Moving ever north hoping to find

What you were sent to seek
But the land looks bleak
Decisions made a million miles away
Will decide your fate this day

The Midnight Circle

Ethereal angels floating in the air
In a circle dancing without a care
The smell of the cedar burning
The souls of forgotten people yearning
Singing Songs in native tongue
To each one the past undone

The site an ancient burial ground
Leaving the intruder spellbound
Ghostly apparitions dancing as if pure light
In the sky the stars so bright
Each button blanket boldly shows their clan
Each dancer moving to and fro since time began

Dancing, chanting, moving to and fro
Living lives a million years ago
Dancing for the One
The sight a omen
Of bad times to come
The rhythmic beat of the drum

In time with a heartbeat
The circle complete
Dancing between mournful cries
The stronger force plotting demise
Encroaching on land
That had belonged to this clan since time began

The intruder sensing the importance of this display
Would not their trust betray?
Intruder moving out of the light
Becoming one with the night
Lives to tell this tale
And will help the weaker force prevail

Thou shall not steal from weaker people without paying the cost
All of these souls shall not be lost
For they shall rise again
Tens of thousands tribesman
Young warriors born of noble decent
All standing behind the movement

Millions of men and women standing for the cause
Giving the stronger force reason to pause
And look at a culture they tried to kill
All of the blood they fought to spill
Will flood the earth, the creator’s gift
And give the people’s voices reason to lift

As a united force banded as one
Each greeting the sun
In silence they rejoice
Thankful for the choice
To live in silence
No longer resorting to violence

But seeking a peaceful existence
With the Creators guidance
Things will not longer be the same as before
Giving the heart reason to soar
Having a choice to dance and to sing in native tongue
So it shall be and the two forces become one.

My lover My best friend

I can see a future and a past with you
All of this for you to pursue
From the early times holding hands in the snow
To when we watch our children grow

I dream of looking into your eyes
Watching every sunrise
Encircled in your embrace
To the day you teach our child to tie a shoelace

From nights spent alone by the fire
To every poem or story inspired
From moments when we feel unsure
To watching our kids mature

From every morning awaking together
To the first time we say, “I’ll love you forever”
From the first signs of gray hair
To sitting in our rocking chairs

Watching children lead lives of there own
Yes I can see every milestone
From nightmares to sweet dreams
Sunlight and moonbeams

All of this for us to explore
I will love you forever more
From beginning to end
I can see you my love, my best friend

Nothing Compares to you

Sitting by the ocean
Watching the sunset
The sky begins to darken
Two robins sing a mournful duet
I gaze into your eyes so blue
And realize
Nothing compares to you

Spending a night together
With you time flies
Time does not matter
We watch the moonrise
Our love rekindled anew
And I realize
Nothing compares to you

A year has passed now
And I still feel the same
We have made it somehow
It feels as if my heart is aflame
Through the year our love grew
And in my heart
I knew nothing compares to you

The time matters not
When in your arms
We have grown together a lot
I am defenseless against your charms
After all we have been through
I know
Nothing compares to you

A year has turned too many
And in your arms I stay
I still love you fiercely
There are few words that can convey
The things you do
And I know without a doubt
Nothing compares to you

Still together we hold hands
In our rocking chairs
I knew our love could withstand
Though we have shed many tears
My heart stays true
And I know forever more
Nothing compares to you

You have been my love, my life
My friend, my lover and partner
I have been your love, your muse, and your wife
We have shared much laughter
Even with all of these years my love is still true
I know in the depths of my soul
Nothing compares to you

I am nothing without you
But everything with you
Nothing compares to you

Four Seasons one Love

Winter is in the air
Ice crystals forming without a care
I gaze out another season gone
It won't be too long
Before I can gaze into your eyes
As I watch the leaves die
Painted brightly for all to see
You always said you really wanted me
Fading with each day
Trying to soak up every last ray
Struggling against the last death
Struggling until your last breath
Making angels in the snow
In a blink of an eye it is time to grow
Budding leaves and flowers in bloom
I still sit here in winters gloom
The summer sun
Casting rays upon the one
To bring me light
To set my seasons right
As we spend our days as ONE
Days turn cooler once more
Now its time for rain to pour
You leave again and I sit in Autumns grace
sitting in the shade clad in leather and lace
I watch you leave and winter is here again
The time of death and the time of pain
I blink again and there you are
Painted in the stars
A year has passed
And I have seen you at last
I know you are with me always
Over my shoulder, my nights, my days
Your heart is in each breath
Sitting here in winters death
Seasons have cast me afloat
And I remember something that you wrote
'You have touched my heart'
'Until the end of time we shall never be apart'
'Watch the seasons as time goes by'
And remember we all have to die'
'Sometime'
Tonight is the first night I will spend with you
As I gaze at the sky so blue
I will remember we are never apart
Your words still live in my heart
I will take time to smell the flowers
Take time to dance in Aprils Showers
Make angels in the snow
Rejoice even if you had to go
Making angels in the snow

First nations women

I was reading facebook and came across a post where this native girl said a white guy said "Oh your pretty for an indian woman" I am amazed that people still feel like they can say things like that and not be taken the wrong way.

But instead of writing a rant, I wanted to write a little bit about my First Nations sisters.

Native women to me are beautiful couragous creatures. Some of us are tall and thin, some are short and curvacious. Some of us are rubenesque. We have every varience of cocoa amongst us. Right from the lightest honey color to the deepest brown. Eye colors vary, but one things remain the same, we look at you unflinching and stand tall under your scrutiny. Some of us are raven haired, some of us nearly the lightest brown. Some of us choose to change our hair color.

We love unconditionally, we share joy which shows through our eyes. We laugh whole heartedly, often joking with people we love. Our arms are soft and perfect for holding and uplifting our babies. Our legs are strong so we can withstand the storm. Our voices sometimes soft, like when we whisper good night to our children, and sometimes strong when we have to confront injustice.

We are brave when confronted with the impossible. We are strong because we know we have to do twice as good as someone from another race. We have to face critisim from every angel. We are judged based on things people see on tv, or read in a book. We work hard in any profession we take on, be it staying and home and raising our children to working in the healthcare field. We work when we feel like we can't do it anymore. We want more for our kids, and will do anything to have that happen.

We are loyal to the people we love. We respect our elders because we know that with age comes wisdom. We respect our parents, and try to teach our children that whatever they dream can be possible with some determination. We uplift our men, and honestly WE RIDE OR DIE!

Native women are REAL....flesh and blood. We are exciting, we are serene. We are vital to the native community. We face so many things and so many people who want to keep us down each day. But when we are down we stand up and brush ourselves off. We are full of pride in who we are. We come from a rich cultural history. Our feet dance to the drum, and our arms reach to the creator to show our praise.

And for all of this, we are loved by our men, and rightfully so.We deserve every moment with men who are truly worthy of such a wonderful creature such as us...so next time you feel belittled or worthless, look around you....put your head up and know that you are a beautiful Native woman!!!

Myrna :)

To love a native man
You must understand a few things
He's strong, he's proud, he works hard
And is prepared for all that life brings

To love a native man
You must be strong and full of pride
Stand by him through it all
Stick by his side

To love a native man
You must accept his family
Know they mean the world to him
And embrace his spirituality

To love a native man
Be prepared to be his world
Be able to prove your worth
Be his woman, be his girl

To love a native man
Know you'll be loved like never before
Because you know if he loves you, its true
Who could ask for anything more